five-second theater
Finally, we have a winner. Good job, all of you. Entries ran the gamut from domestic drama to sex farce to drug comedy. It was hard to decide the winner, but that wasn't the delay.

Judging was a little held up while my houseguest, my boyfriend, updated my computer's operating system. Also, it was hard to write out the blog entry because of unexpected judging drama -- he really disagreed with me on this week's proud winner of pride, who is Lily with her terrific satire of Star Trek.

The bf (who happens to be a Star Trek fan, but I'm sure the disagreement was on technical merits) said that he could see the punchline coming, but I never saw Star Trek whateveritwas that Lily is referring to, so I wasn't expecting it. Also, she had to know the show well enough to capture the funny qualities of the worst of its tell-not-show dialogue and she left some drama for the end (so, what happens when they fire?). Good job, Lily.

CAPTAIN AHAB: To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee! Ye damned whale!

AHAB crawls over and sets off the Genesis device. Strains of "Abacab" start playing in the background. Shift to...

MR. SPOCK: Captain, I'm picking up disturbances in the space-time continuum...and I have an unusual compulsion to strip down to my skivvies and go for a swim.

UHURA: Captain, I'm getting a call from a Mr. Khan...he wants to know who the bastard is who is stealing his lines. I've tried to explain that this is coming from the past, but he says his superior intellect would never plagarize anything, and he's got a million pimply computer programmers in Klingon uniforms who will back him up. He wants us to surrender the ship and take him back in time to eliminate Ahab.

KIRK: You Klingon bastards, you'll not take this ship while I still have breath in my body! Fire!

I could have handed out many honorable mentions, if I did, but I don't. With all these fine entries, it would have been too hard to draw the line.

Tune in again next week-- or rather this Wednesday -- for the next installment of five-second theater.