I think I've recovered enough from the WINTER STORM 2004 reporting marathon that I can judge rewrite theater. I realize that not everyone has heard the fine rendition of O Holy Night that I am trying to recreate here. Let's just say that it's a holiday classic. Anyway, without further ado, here's this week's winner: Lily!
SINGER: FAAAALL on your KNEEEEEES. Oh, HEEEEEEEEAR the angel VOOOOOOICES. Oh, NIIIIIIIIIIGHT DEVIIIIIINE!
Moderator: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for joining us for another edition of BigNewsNetwork's "Killjoy Talking Heads". This evening's topic -- how Christmas carols are destructive to society. Our first guest is orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy. Dr. McCoy, any comments on what we just heard?
Dr. McCoy. Dammit, I'm a doctor, not a music critic. However, the advice about falling on your knees is dangerous to your health. You could seriously damage the cartilage in your knees and damage the patellae. Oh yeah, and the vocal damage that this guy is doing to his chords shows just how detrimental to your health Christmas caroling can be. We must stop it.
Moderator: And from our psychiatric colleague?
Dr. Niles Crane: I'm concerned that we are encouraging our youth to revel in hearing voices, rather than seeking professional treatment right away.
Pat Robertson: May I interject here, please? We have concerns that this song promotes paganism, by labelling "night", rather than OurSaviorLordJesusChrist as divine. This is almost as bad as the entire devil-worshipping custom of Halloween.
Moderator: Thank you. Some say you should all write to your congressmen urging them to change the Constitution right away to stamp out this scourge, and time will tell how this all plays out. Good evening.
Congratulations, Lily! And for the rest of you, I have next Wednesday's rewrite theater all queued up (or is it cued up? I can never remember), so tune in! I promise to judge on time, even.
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