field notes: i can see clearly now
This could be the perfect example of a little knowledge being a dangerous thing. For the past two weeks, I was on the edge of a major freak-out for reasons I couldn't fathom. We are talking debilitating, staring at the computer screen, constantly on the verge of crying, freak-out. That song by Johnny Nash would bring me close to tears of longing. My friends and I figured it had to be a delayed reaction to a little mishap a few weeks ago that ended with a trip via ambulance to the ER.

The diagnosis was a badly bruised leg that briefly required crutches -- which translated at a convention to immediate advancement in buffet lines and an instant ice breaker with strangers. So, a full-fledged freak-out seemed to be an unreasonable reaction. Friends were beginning to suggest that perhaps a professional could help me connect this reaction to feelings of abandonment and not getting enough ice cream as a child, etc.

But then, an epiphany hit over the weekend. I happened to read somewhere that ibuprofen -- recommended by the ER doc in 600 mg doses -- had possible side effects of "nervousness and anxiety."

Really? Cool.

I always have been a lightweight when it comes to body-altering chemicals. For instance, I was surprised at how slow-witted I could actually get after the half-dose of morphine that those EMTs gave me. For instance, I didn't get any of their jokes and I kept wondering why the hospital needed my work number, if I was right there. (Actually, I still can't figure that one out. In any case, I accidentally gave the wrong number.) So, could I possibly blame that awful moods on the nine Advils a day that I'd been taking for the past two weeks?

I don't know if I can, but I will.

I cut back dramatically, over the weekend, and I'm feeling much happier, if a bit crampier. The possibility exists that this is denial, and in fact my life does suck. But, I am a practical woman. I am fine with whatever gets me through the day.