rewrite theater: we got a winner!
Thanks for playing, Lily, Bet and Mike! Three great entries, all, which has stressed to me the importance of reviving my comments, so my audience of five can read all of the entries together more easily. This week's deserving winner is Mike, for his scatalogical entry that also incorporated Peter Lorre. Thanks, Mike!

SAM SPADE: When a man gets a message he's supposed to do something about it. It doesn't make any difference what you thought of it. It was your message and you're supposed to do something about it.
And another thing: when a man loses control of his bowels he's supposed to do something about it. It doesn't make any difference how it happened. They're your bowels and you're supposed to do something about it.
JOEL CAIRO: [shocked] Who told you???

Tune in next Wednesday for another episode of rewrite theater. I'll try to revive the comments. Also, I'd love some suggestions for first lines. Please participate: after all, you are the theater in rewrite theater.