open letter to britney spears

Dear Brit,

Oh, my gosh. I hear that you're pregnant, and that's like, so cool. I just know that Kevin will make a good baby-daddy. He's got some experience because he's fathered two other kids and you can't beat experience. And, anyways, what's getting married for if you're not going to raise a family? Especially getting married to someone who makes less than you do and used to work for you. Ha! I kid.

Because I know you're so busy, I've taken the liberty of thinking of some names for your potential wee one. And I think they all go well with Federline. For a boy, I propose:

• Zebulon Tyler Federline
• Charles Clancy Beauregard Federline
• Shiloh Federline
• Tommy Lee Federline
• Timberlake Federline

For a girl, it was a little trickier --- I had to rule out a bunch of names. So, obviously not Christina, Jessica, Hilary, Lindsay or Jennifer Love. But I think I came up with some good ones:

• Lolita Marie Federline
• Haylee Aishlynn Federline
• Nyla Cayenne Federline
• Louisiana Rainne Federline
• Fredericka Federline, and lastly
• Bitter Spice Federline.

Oh, look. I guess my and your intials match. Isn't that funny? Well, gotta go.