Also, podview has changed its name to Betland. So, it shall be in my people list. And she also rockets to the top of my alpabetical list.
This week, our pride winner of pride is anonymous! I can't give a prize to someone who is anonymous, so hopefully the winner will step up and take credit for:
FATHER LAMONT: I've flown this route before. It was on the wings of a demon.
Mother MAYBELLE: I've flown it on the wings of a snow white dove.
COUSIN EDDIE: I drove it in my RV.
FATHER LAMONT: I've flown this route before. It was on the wings of a demon.Congratulations all around. Come back next week for the next installment of rewrite theater!
FATHER MERRIN: Yeah, I don't like Southwest Airlines either.
FATHER LAMONT: I've flown this route before. It was on the wings of a demon.Ah, Richard Burton! Ah, humanity! You have until 6:30 pm Friday. Good luck!
It was hard to judge this week. Mike had a wonderfully creative entry incorporating pantomime, and someone who I think is Michelle had a great punch line, but I finally came up with a winner: Krizzer, who won for using what I hope is irony.
Thanks everyone! Come back next week for our next installment of rewrite theater!
MAN: Yes, my proposal of marriage to your daughter, Anne, has been accepted and I respectfully, sir, request permission to set a date.
SIR WALTER ELLIOT: Anne? You want to marry Anne? Whatever for?
MAN: Because I worship her! I love her! She is my one true joy!
SIR WALTER ELLIOT: Well, alright. But you know she's TWENTY-EIGHT don't you?
MAN: WHAT!? TWENTY-EIGHT! Oh, to hell with that! I'm not marrying some old granny! That's disgusting!
SIR WALTER ELLIOT: Perfectly understandable, my lad. Perfectly understandable.
I wanted to title this entry "how am I?" but I haven't learned how to do that yet.
The movie was pretty good, too, though it was a little strange that the filmmakers seemed to be using shaky, NYPD Blue cam for shots of people seated at dinner. Also, the two gorgeous people in period clothing making out on the cover of the video weren't in the movie.
So, someone asks her very vain father for his nerdy milquetoast daughter's hand in marriage, and he freaks out.
MAN: Yes, my proposal of marriage to your daughter, Anne, has been accepted and I respectfully, sir, request permission to set a date.So, what would you like to see happen next? Who would you like the man to be?
SIR WALTER ELLIOT: Anne? You want to marry Anne? Whatever for?
I've registered for a Spanish class at the local community college. I'm not taking it for a grade (I don't really need an Associate's Degree), and it's really expensive (I'm so jealous of Jellybean, who I think takes her Japanese classes for free since I think she works for the UW). But, I'm one step closer to speaking a lot of languages badly. I already speak French and Tagalog badly, and maybe even English, so why not add another? And I get a student ID card. Woohoo!
Um. I've been busy at work, and I can't wait for my stay-at-home-and-hang-drapes vacation next week. So, I'm not motorcycle riding or learning to fly an airplane. I so want to raise my badditude, but instead seem to be embracing my nerdiness. I should start to own it, I suppose.
Our winner this week is Michelle. Her entry was really weird, in a terrific way.
THE BOSS: Go to the next room and tell Nippers to come to me.Michelle beat out some great entries -- take a look at them in the comments below, if you missed them. Come back Wednesday for the next installment of rewrite theater, and tell your friends to come here, too!
BARTLEBY: I would prefer not to.
THE BOSS: Why the hell not? When I tell you to do something, you ought to jump to it!
BARTLEBY: Isn't there that whole sexual harassment case between you too? Isn't there a court order keeping you away from Nippers?
THE BOSS: Indeed (The Boss sighs and puts his hands in his pocket, pacing back and forth). It is hard to believe, that even in this day and age, that a man can be sued by his own family dog.
The (too) bad: I actually got home in time to listen to "This American Life" on Wednesday, but it was the same one I heard three times before (due to my having ready access to at least three public radio stations in the space of a week). It was one about mean people. It was only OK.
The ugly: I realized in public that my shoes matched my purse. Unfortunately, those shoes were sneakers.
Don't forget to play rewrite theater below! Um... feel free to tell your friends to come here....
This week's line comes from a haunting and funny story from my favorite short story writer Herman Melville. People who say that irony is a 20th century invention has never read Melville. The entry is from my favorite short story "Bartleby," about a copyist who suddenly refuses to participate in the world through his gentle refusal, "I would prefer not to." To try to argue against that is impossible. My hero. Go out and read Bartleby. It's like 47 pages, and it's an hour well spent.
THE BOSS: Go to the next room and tell Nippers to come to me.What happens now? I can't wait to see what you think. You have until 6:30 p.m. Pacific time Friday (to account for the lateness of this post) to tell me.
BARTLEBY: I would prefer not to.
1) Write five goals on a piece of paper.I won't tell you what the goals are, and I might update and adapt this advice for the Palm Pilot, but it's so weird, I'm going to try it. Sometimes my job is so crazy, I can't help but love it.
2) Read the piece of paper before going to bed, and tuck it under the pillow.
3) Get up in the morning, and look at the piece of paper and read the five things.
4) Do this for six months, and I will find myself doing things that will bring me closer to those goals.
SAM SPADE: When a man gets a message he's supposed to do something about it. It doesn't make any difference what you thought of it. It was your message and you're supposed to do something about it.Tune in next Wednesday for another episode of rewrite theater. I'll try to revive the comments. Also, I'd love some suggestions for first lines. Please participate: after all, you are the theater in rewrite theater.
And another thing: when a man loses control of his bowels he's supposed to do something about it. It doesn't make any difference how it happened. They're your bowels and you're supposed to do something about it.
JOEL CAIRO: [shocked] Who told you???
Also, from my, close-to-hometown paper the Oakland Tribune, the Best Correction Ever. I hope I never have to write a correction like that -- or have to ask another paper for a correction like that.
Anyway, after a few past digs at conservatives, I give you the following:
secret donations
A Freedom Socialist City Council candidate in Seattle wants to keep her campaign contributors secret.
"It is a huge victory for people who support minority points of view," the candidate told the Seattle P-I. "Their right to donate is as important as the right to a secret ballot."
But it looks like a defeat for the voters, who ought to know and have the right to question who supports the candidates they vote for. Apparently Freedom Socialism doesn't require openness in government. Good thing this gal hasn't got a chance of getting through the primary.
non-sequitur taxes
First of all, I need to tell you that I believe in taxes. The benefits we get from this society need to be paid for somehow. I think that the federal tax cuts were too much. I voted for Seattle's monorail. But now we have to deal with Seattle's proposed latte tax. How does this tax makes sense? Tell me again why just the espresso drinkers have to pay for the breeders? Were the federal child tax refunds supposed to pay for just purchases at Wal-Mart?
Why didn't anyone suggest we put a $1 surcharge on children's movie tickets instead, since they only pay $5 a ticket? Why didn't anyone try to convince legislators that pre-school is something that everyone should pay for? Read The Stranger's endorsements for a more articulate reasoning behind why the latte tax is a dumb idea. I'm trying to convince myself that this is no reason to break up with my boyfriend, who thinks we have to pass this and other "senseless taxes" (his words, not mine) in order to force people to support a sensible tax structure like an income tax.
I know. What do I care? I don't live in Seattle, right? Well, that's why I can tell you what I think about these things.
SAM SPADE: When a man gets a message he's supposed to do something about it. It doesn't make any difference what you thought of it. It was your message and you're supposed to do something about it.Silly, no? Deadline is noon-30 pacific time on Friday. Good luck!
The diagnosis was a badly bruised leg that briefly required crutches -- which translated at a convention to immediate advancement in buffet lines and an instant ice breaker with strangers. So, a full-fledged freak-out seemed to be an unreasonable reaction. Friends were beginning to suggest that perhaps a professional could help me connect this reaction to feelings of abandonment and not getting enough ice cream as a child, etc.
But then, an epiphany hit over the weekend. I happened to read somewhere that ibuprofen -- recommended by the ER doc in 600 mg doses -- had possible side effects of "nervousness and anxiety."
Really? Cool.
I always have been a lightweight when it comes to body-altering chemicals. For instance, I was surprised at how slow-witted I could actually get after the half-dose of morphine that those EMTs gave me. For instance, I didn't get any of their jokes and I kept wondering why the hospital needed my work number, if I was right there. (Actually, I still can't figure that one out. In any case, I accidentally gave the wrong number.) So, could I possibly blame that awful moods on the nine Advils a day that I'd been taking for the past two weeks?
I don't know if I can, but I will.
I cut back dramatically, over the weekend, and I'm feeling much happier, if a bit crampier. The possibility exists that this is denial, and in fact my life does suck. But, I am a practical woman. I am fine with whatever gets me through the day.
Still, since life supposedly rewards persistence, come back on Wednesday for our next installment of rewrite theater....
